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Blind Spots

Blind Spots

The eye cannot see what the mind cannot fathom. I’ve had the quote above in my draft box for months. I’ve known there is something in this quote for marriage but each time I’ve begun to write it just hasn’t been there. So, here’s the thing, we all have our blind spots, things or areas […]

Five Questions You Should be Asking

Five Questions You Should be Asking

Every marriage is different. The issues in each marriage are different. Every person is different. There may be common marital issues, finances, in-law interference, sex, etc. but really everyone’s experience is different. Too many hold their spouse responsible for the state of their marriage while doing little to be a better spouse and/or enabling their […]

Where I’ve Been…


On September 17, 2015 I was called into my boss’ office by the President of the company for whom I had worked for over 23 years and told that my position was being eliminated and that my last day would be October 30th. Seven weeks. Seven weeks became 13 weeks and my actual last day […]

Honey, We Need to Talk

Avoiding information

Sherrie’s comment on Wanting a Better Marriage is NOT Enough got me to thinking about her situation. Some of the mistakes I made in my marriage were: thinking that I was the only one in my marriage that wanted a better marriage and thinking that I was the only one with suggestions for a better […]

Wanting a Better Marriage is NOT Enough


There are a lot of people who say that they want a better marriage but when push comes to shove what they really want is for their spouse to be more compliant to their own selfishness. When pressed you’ll find that they are not ready to do the work to make a better marriage. The […]

Dealing with the Past in the Present, Re...


Yes, I have written about this very topic before. Twice in fact. Once in 2012 and once in 2013. It is a topic that just cannot get enough discussion. This time it’s about regret. I know people that regret their sexual past. They regret having sex before they were married. I know people that regret […]


prude noun One who is excessively concerned with being or appearing to be proper, modest, or righteous. There is an old saying that a person can be so heavenly focused that they are of little earthly good. In other words, their focus on appearing proper, modest, or righteous makes them of little earthly use. […]

Guys, Men, Husbands, Fathers

Thoughtful man.

I’ve been a husband for almost 25 years, about half my life now. For the most part I think we guys, men, husbands, fathers get a bad wrap from society, occasionally for good reason but usually because of stereotypes or for sport. Not all men are the same but there are some commonalities to many […]

The Sin of Omission


If anyone, then, knows the good they ought to do and doesn’t do it, it is sin for them. ~James 4:17 (NIV) This is one of my favorite verses in Scripture because it reminds me that sin isn’t just doing something bad but can also be not doing something good. If we know the good […]

What is Gatekeeping?


One of the questions that I get asked about marital sex is, what exactly is a gatekeeper? What does a gatekeeper do? Why is gatekeeping not a good thing? Well basically a gatekeeper allows for regular sex but only on their terms. They limit sex to only those things they are comfortable doing very seldom […]

The Power of Eroticism in Marital Sex

Couple embracing

One of my favorite posts by Dr. David Schnarch (affiliate link) is People Have Sex Within The Limits of Their Development. it is one of my favorites because it challenges the reader to realize that to mature beyond their current limits will require some feelings of nervousness and anxiety. The process toward maturity is not […]

Communication is the Key to Knowing

Avoiding information

Regardless of how long you’ve been married to your spouse you don’t really know them as well as you probably thing you do. Regardless of what you think you cannot read your spouse’s mind. Despite your best efforts you will make incorrect assumptions about your spouse’s wants, needs, desires and particularly their motives. All of […]

Flesh=Bad/Spirit=Good is Heresy

Paul B. of The Generous husband writes about a wife who believes that limiting the amount of sex her husband is allowed will draw him close to God. Here it is in Paul B’s words: The wife has indicated God wants her to limit the amount of sex because the man cares too much about […]

Manual Sex Advice for the Wife

Hands making heart

On one of the online forums in which I participate the question is often asked here about making the experience better for our spouse, whether that’s oral sex, manual sex, etc. Today I’d like to make some observations about sexual behavior in general and then manual sex (hand jobs) specifically. SEX IN GENERAL Don’t fall […]